Love in the time of COVID

When I was in my early twenties I met the one person who would become the focus of my life, my daughter. Even before she was born, I loved her more than I ever believed was possible. Last week, on Halloween, she got married. It was a beautiful, but cold day. And thanks to the global pandemic, the wedding had to be kept small. We were able to livestream the wedding for our family and friends who were unable to attend due to these travel restrictions. 

 But there are no restrictions on how many dogs can gather together, and since my daughter and I are dedicated dog lovers, the guests were invited to bring their dogs to the wedding. They were also encouraged to wear Halloween costumes, which just made the day more fun. 

 My daughter’s collie, Sorsha, was the ring bearer. She was a very good girl, and did a great job. 

 As exciting as the wedding was, we are all eagerly anticipating what comes next. In May of 2022, my daughter is going to make me a Grandmother! Sorsha got to make the announcement on social media. 

 While we are all living through this difficult year, isolated and worried about our families and friends, it’s wonderful to have something positive to focus on…

The Return...

It’s been so long since I logged in and wrote a post. Grief can steal all your motivation. I lost my best friend, Abby, and I missed her companionship. She was more than a dog to me. Then we bred Scarlett, Abby’s daughter, to a gorgeous, blue merle collie. He was a National winner, and one of the top rough collies in the country. This was our dream litter, and two days before her due date we lost all seven puppies. We tried desperately to save them, but lost them all. It’s one of the hardest parts about being a dog breeder, and the loss made my daughter and I take an extended break from dog shows, dog breeding and for me, from blogging about my dogs. We had Scarlett spayed, as she had been bred multiple times over the last few years without success, so we decided to give up on or dream of a Scarlett puppy. And even now, almost two years later, I just do not want to talk about that loss. 

 It took over a year before we decided to try again. This time we bred Maizie, and we once again chose one of the top stud dogs, this time a sable, smooth male. And this time we were met with success, she had five healthy puppies, and an easy delivery. She was a wonderful Mom, and we couldn’t be happier with the puppies, who are now five months old. I will write more about them in the collie’s blog, as this blog is just for me. A place to share my thoughts and feelings, my memories and life. 

 When we write, even when it’s just a personal blog, we strive to share, or to entertain our readers. And sometimes we write as an outlet for self-reflection. Writing helps us organize our thoughts and gives us a chance to reinvent ourselves. Or at least we can reinvent the person we present to others, as I’m not sure we can ever truly change our inner self. Thinking about who I want to be in my online persona, the answer is I want to be honest, I want to be honest with myself and whoever may care to read my posts. I also want to be open, and write as if I am speaking to a close friend. 

I thought about blogs I have read, and which ones I particularly enjoyed and why. And the person I want to emulate is an old friend from my Livejournal days. Livejournal was a place to blog, back when blogging was relatively new. And Jackie was one of my first blogging friends, whose writing style was always soothing and calming to me. Reading her posts gave you a feeling similar to being wrapped in warm flannel, while sitting by a cozy fire, on a cold Winter’s night. Her posts were always about simple things, a glimpse into her daily life, and they always made me smile. Her blog was a place you always wanted to linger, like a childhood visit to Grandma’s house. She passed away in 2011, so there haven’t been new posts in a very long time, but people still return to her blog to reread her old entries. I want my writing to touch people in the same way. Jackie was a talented writer, so it will definitely be a challenge and a learning experience for me. 

In these troubled times, with the COVID pandemic forcing people to stay apart, with riots and looting making people afraid, I definitely felt the need to start writing again, to connect with others. Of course, she’s not me, and I’m not her, so my writing will be different than Jackie’s. But I can attempt to write in a manner that brings comfort, draws the reader in and hopefully will make someone smile every now and then...

Time to celebrate!

Things were not progressing with the raise, so I sent an email to the CEO and my manager.  To thank them for the consideration and for providing a work environment that encourages employees to reach new goals.  I also told them that after 19 years here, I couldn't imagine working anywhere else.  And I am so happy to update that it worked.  All those hours studying and sitting through nearly 24 hours of exams, paid off.  I got the raise and a promotion.  I could not be happier.  I feel like I really achieved my goals, and it's a wonderful feeling.

2018 is going to be the year I achieve Success!

Well, I did it.  I set a goal, I stuck to it, and I'm happy to say I achieved it! I not only took the CPMA and CGIC exams, I also took the CFPC and CEMC certifications exams.  It meant a lot of studying for the last couple months, but I passed them all!  Someone on the coders group I am on said that passing four exams in two months might be a record.  Especially since I took the CFPC on December 30th and the CEMC on December 31st.  Even the AAPC rep and the exam proctor thought I was crazy to take two exams back to back, but I had a feeling I could do it. 

In my last post, in August, I mentioned how a friend and co-worker quit, and how I did not think they were going to hire someone else.  I was wrong, they did hire someone, but she didn't work out.  It's been two months since they let her go, and they haven't started advertising replace her, so I am pretty sure they have no intention of filling the position.  I am now the sole auditor in the practice, and I was told for now, I will be the only one.  So I approached my manager about getting a raise, since I am doing the work of an auditor, and now I hold the certification.  I have been auditing for 11 years now, but since I didn't have the CPMA, I didn't push to receive an auditor's salary.  But money is tight, and I am pretty sure the school where I teach at night will be closing soon.  And honestly, I'm tired of having to work two jobs, it's been 10 years and I am ready to work just one job again.  Auditors make roughly $5.00 more an hour than I do, and coders with as many certifications as I now have make $6.00 more an hour than I currently make.   My manager did agree with me, and she spoke with the COO of the practice, and she said they are going to discuss it with the board.

While I do not want to leave the practice, I am happy there and I would stay there happily, if they aren't willing to give me a raise and pay me an auditor's salary, I do have other options.  With all my new credentials, I have been getting job offers left and right.  One in particular sounds very promising, but require I add one one more certification, the CRC.  The job would be working for a major insurance company, and they would let me work from home.  I'm sure the collies would love that!  But I am not ready to leave my current job, I like the people, I like the work I do, and I feel as if the work is important and valuable.  So I really hope things go my way, because at this point in my life I am ready to do whatever it takes to become a success. 

 

Making changes...

This past week had some happy moments, but also many sad ones.  Two people quit where I work, one was a nice guy, but I didn't know him really well.  He left to go back to school, to earn another Master's degree.  The other was a friend, and we worked together as a team, as there was just the two of us in our department.  She left to work for a naturopath, and it fits her beliefs as she practices reiki.  While I am happy for her, and this new opportunity, I miss having her to talk to throughout the workday.

I also strongly suspect that they are not going to fill her position.  I know they expect me to train another Coder to help me audit the providers and code the general surgery procedures.  While helping all the rest of the staff, the physicians, and management with their coding questions, I am supposed to complete audits, train new physicians, APRNs and physician assistants on coding and documentation, and get all the codes reviewed and billed for the general surgeons.  Additionally, I am to schedule and oversee the chart reviews being conducted by insurance companies for risk adjustment.  And now, I have to train this other girl, and hope she catches on quickly.  But I'm trying to look at the positive, the responsibility falling on me does give me a small measure of job security.  And upper management did pay for the training class I wanted to take on Saturdays, which I hope will help me earn my CPMA certification.  (Certified professional medical auditor).

I am also studying to take the test for the CGIC, certified gastrointestinal Coder.  If I am successful at earning my CPMA and CGIC,  I should be getting a good raise, as I am already a CPC.  If not, I can pretty much have my pick of coding jobs in my area, or I can start doing coding/auditing from home.  I haven't told my employers I am taking these two exams, they are each almost six hours long.  I didn't want to have to tell anyone if I failed, so I paid for the exams myself.  I just decided I needed to do something to change my life.

While I like my day job, I am so tired of teaching at night.  Working one full time job, and one part time job is exhausting, and I've been doing it for over nine years now.  CPMAs earn about five thousand more a year than my current salary, and a specialty credential like the CGIC should add another thousand, so I hope to pass the exams and make some positive changes.  If I can quit teaching at night, maybe I will finally go back to college and finish my batchelor degree.

Why blog?

Blogging isn't always easy, sometimes we have to search for inspiration.  We look to current news stories,  events, books or movies for ideas to write about.  And often, as bloggers, we focus on our writing so we can just forget about the world for a little while.  With all the violence, hate, suffering and pain that fills our lives, it's comforting to slip into the world of blogs.  Here you can find others that share your passions, and no matter how far apart, you are connected through words and pictures, through shared experiences.  Through brief blog posts we are given glimpses of each other's lives, and we get to share our journeys.  But there are other reasons to blog, sometimes we blog to sort out our thoughts, to obtain clarity, to share with strangers what we can't share with our friends or families.

Many of us often feel voiceless, or unable to express our true emotions, and we can blog to let it all out.  As I sit here pondering the letters on my keyboard, I know somewhere, someone else is doing the same thing.  These posts will you tell you the story of who I am, but only as much as I will let you see.  There are some truths you don't admit, even to yourself.  Maybe that other someone, sitting at his or her own keyboard, will be able to write a post with all the honesty that I am striving to convey.

I've made choices in my life, some I have come to deeply regret, and some are still causing pain.  I can't undo those decisions made so long ago, and though I live with the repercussions, I have also learned from them.  How much easier it would be to forget, to go on blindly exhibiting the careless behavior that led to my current situation.  Since I can't let myself forget, maybe I'll share it here.

So I started a blog that is just for me, just for my thoughts or to record a memory I don't want to forget.  How often I will post remains to be seen, but it's nice to have an outlet.